Monday, February 23, 2009

Feeling Brown...

Some people feel blue...I am feeling brown. It's Monday, I hate Mondays, and things just didn't go well for me today. Couldn't walk due to rain at noon. People frustrated me. I feel frumpy.
I bought these cool leopard trouser socks, so I built the outfit around them (sorry it's dark...light is not good in this room in the winter), just black with brown and copper accents. It felt very Audrey in the morning, but as the day went on, it felt....un-Audrey. You know?

The legwear:
The full set of Grandma J's copper jewelry. The cuff is Renoir, and the necklace and earrings are unmarked. I love this set. It's likely from the 50s.
Shout out to the lovely Mervat who has bestowed a Major Award on me. I wish I'd worn something different to the ceremony! If you wish to participate and pass this Major Award along, by all means, please do.

So. I've been feeling fat-tastic lately.

As you may or may not know, I lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. I've been maintaining it for nearly 2 years, but I gained a few pounds over Christmas and I just can't seem to shake them. I've been giving in to way too many temptations. Stress, listening to that little "you'll be fat again one day" voice in the back of my head and fear that yes, I will be fat again one day...those all compel me to overeat. And overdrink - let's not fool ourselves, here: wine is also a culprit, not to mention that whole "lowers your resistance" thing.

I probably have PMS, but this week, I gained 2 pounds. Now, I'm still 2 pounds under my goal weight (I still go to my WW meetings every week), but I've been maintaining at 8-10 pounds under, and I'm so scared that it's going to just keep creeping up and up and up. That feeling of inevitability.
I know I need to just calm the heck down and take it one day at a time. Stay on track, write down what I eat, eat unprocessed foods, drink lots of water and keep on exercising. And it will come off. I know it will.

It will.

But I just wanted to say...just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean that fear isn't with me every day. It isn't easy and weight loss is never "done".

Hope your Monday was more fab than mine!

Sweater (no label, consignment), suit pants (Focus 2000), hose (eh, I never remember the labels), shoes (Wild Diva), cuff (Renoir, Grandma J), necklace & clip-on earrings (no marks, Grandma J).

12 comments:

  1. Sorry you had a "brown" day. But your honesty cuts to the core. Bravo for you for identifying and sharing those thoughts.
    Your picture doesn't do the jewellry justice. They really are amazing pieces.
    A saying that is quite popular right now, but not new is "It isn't only about waiting for the storm to pass; sometimes it's about learning to dance in the rain."

    Sending you warm wishes for tonite and tomorrow. B

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  2. Thanks, Bonnie...and I'm sorry for being "closed" today. I'll wear yellow tomorrow - that will lighten my mood.

    And I will dance in the rain!

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  3. Oh Sheila, hang in there honey! Maybe walk for 15 mins at lunch? Exercise can sometimes get us to feel better. Eat on a smaller plate... But, also try to look at yourself and find things you like, so you can find reasons not to binge. You know, possibly you've gained due to muscle increase too. That kind of gain is ok. You'll be ok, you are dilligent. You are beautiful. You can tell those 2 pounds to go fly a kite!

    Sorry if I seem a bit incoherent, I've taken some drugs today (very bad cramps)and I now have a cold or some sort of crud.

    Hang in there!

    Alison

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  4. Sheila, thanks. I know you're struggling now and believe me, I feel ya. But I so appreciate your honesty about your weight-related fears. Knowing that others feel the same way gives solace.

    It's the end of winter, we all just want to hibernate till the sun shows, and our butts are showing it. Believe me, once it warms up, you'll feel like yourself again and get the weight back off, if you want to.

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  5. I sympathise with you about the weight. I am in the same position. Five years ago I lost two stone and kept it off for four years. But over the past 12 or so months ten pounds has crept slowly back on. I've gone up a dress size and am so mad with myself but can't find the motivation to do anything about it.
    I am hoping Lent will help :)

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  6. Oh Sheila, i'm sending you good vibes as well as a prayer your way. Here's hoping the rest of your week goes way, way better :-)You're absolutely fantastically fab and it may take a bit of time, but those pesky 2 pounds are as good as gone.

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  7. Do you remember the song "Millennium" by Robbie Williams? There's a line that always struck me: "Overdose at Christmas and give it up for Lent."

    As a Catholic, I find that to be true. Feasting at Christmas and Easter is best balanced by the fasting of Advent and Lent. Whatever one's religious affiliation or non-affiliation may be, it's a well-balanced way to live.

    Happy Fat Tuesday and Happy Ash Wednesday tomorrow!

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  8. I appreciate this post. Just found your blog about a month ago. I am 39, have lost 42 pounds very slowly over 2 years and trying to lose another 25 by the end of this oen. In losing weight, I rediscovered fashion.

    I know you can stay in track. Take it one meal at a time until you feel back in balance.

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  9. Alison, thanks. It was just a crappy day all around. I'm exercising every day, going for a walk at lunch when I can, doing my aikido. I tend to eat out on the weekends, and that's my downfall.

    It could be some muscle, you're right. Thanks so much for the pep talk.

    Sal, thank YOU. Your blog entry the other day was so inspiring. It is a little daunting to share personal things like this online, but I know it's important to let people know it's not all sunshine and roses.

    Jane, Lent is a great idea! I don't practice it, but having a time frame is so helpful. Thank you for your encouragement - good luck! I know you can do it, too!

    Lady D: thank you so much, hon. *hug*

    Cat, I do remember that song! I try not to overdo things in general, but it's easy to slide into old bad habits. Thank you so much. Happy Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday!

    Hi, and welcome, Lain. Good for you! I do know what a major accomplishment that is - people really don't realize how hard it is to lose weight and "find yourself" again.

    Thank you, everyone! This means a lot to me. (overklempt)

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  10. First off, you look fab as always, brown or not. But I so feel what you are saying it's amazing -- I too have gained since the holidays and I keep yo-yoing it off and on. After being sick and having my own bout of what I call DMS (during as opposed to pre) I am back up the darn same 6 pounds.

    Tis true, weightloss is never done, very wise. And I get worried too, I keep thinking I'll wake up one day and weigh 300 lbs again.

    But do you want to know what is different, for me and clearly for too? We are handling it differently by our awareness. The fear you feel is actually the key, IMO. In fact, if you were NOT concerned then that would be the actual time to worry. Because awareness will lead to vigilance and that is evidence of real change. You are not ignoring the issue. All you need, all we need, is to kick-start things a bit and get some momentum and then we’re good.

    Does that make any sense?

    In any case, hang in there, hope today is a better color :)

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  11. Good for you for losing so much weight and keeping it off! Those hormones are playing with you -- those two pounds will disappear. You know some people gain 5 lbs from PMS?!?

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  12. Kayleigh, I knew you'd understand, thank you.

    You are so right, the fear is key. I don't want to EVER go back to where I was. Today is better. :)

    Wendy, I know, the damned hormones! *shakes fist*

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Cheers,
Sheila